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Cheap Imitation

not iced coffee

(People, this post is filled with shock, outrage, and possibly a touch on the dramatic side. I do understand that there are real atrocities happening all over the world and this does not rank among them. With that said, on to my rant.)

What do White Owl Cigars, Mad Dog 20 20, and hot coffee poured over ice to make iced coffee all have in common? They are cheap imitations of the very things they claim to be! No cigar aficionado is going to smoke a White Owl, no sommelier is going to add Mad Dog to their wine list, so why should I have to drink a terrible iced coffee! I suppose I am not exactly a coffee expert, I couldn’t tell you the difference between one coffee roast and another, but I know what I like and what I don’t like. I like a strong brew, allowed to reach room temperature if not already chilled, undiluted with a splash of half and half and lots of ice. Cold brew if you have it, please. Today I ordered what I assumed would be a passable cuppa cold joe from a fancy pants eatery in Soho (I am looking at you D&D), what was handed to me was almost white in color. I didn’t see the preparation method at this point so I asked to have it a little darker. I watched the barista pour out what was in the cup and add more coffee, still not quite seeing where it was coming from. The cup was handed back to me without much change in color. The woman at the register could tell I was still not happy and offered to remake the drink and this is where I saw that they fill the cup with ice and pour hot coffee in the cup. And I paid a premium for them to perform this atrocity! I walked out without a word (in stunned silence more like it) and a doppio espresso later I was able to somewhat salvage the drink.

I can’t say this enough times, you can not make an iced coffee by simply pouring hot coffee (and weak coffee at that!) over ice. What you get is a watery mess of brownish liquid that tastes about as good as a watery mess of brownish liquid can possibly taste. Not good.

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